A Monster Lives Deep Beneath

October 25, 2011

A monster lives deep beneath
Surging up with saddened grief
Making all ponder where to go
Melancholy persons reaching out
Filled with disbelief that
No remorse can ever share
Feel me now feeling bad
Fill me up with sadness glad
A monster lives deep within
Changing color on a whim.
~ Patrice

Posted in Poetry | Tagged disbelief, grief, melancholy, monster, Patrice, sad, sadden grief |

4 comments

Wonderful flow to the poem – love it.

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by Randall October 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

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- Thank you – and I am enjoying your work. Going back to have another read!
  
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  by Patrice October 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm
  
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Nice work. I thought the opening and closing lines were really strong. Have you thought about changing “sadden” to saddened in line two? Or is that a typo? It would almost sound better as “sudden” grief. For some reason I also thought the “Melancholy” line doesn’t fit as well as the others…I’m not sure why yet.

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by thebabelblog October 26, 2011 at 12:38 pm

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- Yes, it’s a good old typo – appreciate your pointing it out! The ‘Melancholy’ line is a perfect example of me playing with what comes as I write instead of just letting it be. Didn’t like how it was, struggled with it, changed it more than once and that was the final result. Reread the original writing this morning and thought to myself that it wasn’t that bad after all. Mumm…
  
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  by Patrice October 26, 2011 at 2:01 pm
  
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