Creatures large and small
Stand at the entrance leading you in
Making troubles seem not at all.
No words are spoken
No hand is touched
No promise made.
Still you know your world is right
You lived, you loved
And had so much.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2018
Today is a sad day for me
Today was the day I knew in my heart
My mom was dying.
Nothing, nothing I could do
Or say would stop it
This I knew in my heart
But not my head.
Anguish, fear, frightened
Looking for the answer
That would save her
Keep her here with me
Sadly, not to be.
Not once did I think
That maybe she had had enough
And wished to go
Oh no.
When I look back on this day
I see it was all about me
My feelings, my hurt
My need to have her here with me.
I said Goodbye that day
While deep inside, my heart knew
My head refused
Believing we’d have more, more happy days.
That inner voice, my heart
It knew
It knows the future and has lived the past.
She passed
She passed the next day
My mom, she…
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Sometimes I let it go
Sometimes I don’t give it a second thought.
Sometimes I wonder what happened?
What changed your mind and erased your loving heart?
Once I was all you knew
No one else you gave a second thought.
Now indifference clouds the view
Sarcasm is the voice heard a lot
No more gentle caress, no more loving thoughts.
Didn’t happen over night
It seeped in thru empty, shallow thoughts
Taking a awful tole on our gentle, loving hearts.
Sometime turn around look back down your path
See me standing all alone, looking back.
Loving as much as I did then
In the gentle, loving days
Before the empty, shallow thoughts.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2014
Aggy died five years ago today.
Such a sweet and gentle soul who never rose to lofty heights in the sport
chosen for her
Hers was not a career of high scores, trophies and trials won
She didn’t want that.
It was not in her nature even though her breeding said she should excel.
She didn’t see the sense in it.
She did see sense in love, hugs, play and snuggles. The highlight of her day was cuddles on the sofa between myself and my husband. In between us so that she could sniff, touch his hair, be near him. She adored him.
He only saw our rottie, Ursa.
Her and I had history. I was the one who insisted she train,
keep working in the sport, live up to what was expected of her. 
Even when she let me know without any doubt how she felt.
She held a grudge in this, she always remembered and didn’t think I should forget either.
Aggy loved the strong, handsome type of guy.
And that would be Kado, the big, gentle Cane Corso around the corner.
To go over to Kado’s home, hang out, play in his backyard,
race around the pond was so much enjoyment for her.
Even then, she got shortchanged.
Kado had eyes only for Ursa.
She would watch them play, Kado going into the pond,
retrieving a toy then coming out and giving it to Ursa. They’d play with it and then they would do it all over again.
Aggy would try and attract his attention, get him to notice her.
He never did that I saw.
In this, she never held a grudge or blamed Ursa.
They were best friends, confidants, kennel mates, soulmates. 
Five years ago on this day, there was no hope, no cure,
no medication to reverse the outcome.
Aggy was true to her nature, her way of doing things,
no matter what others thought how she should act.
Her attitude that day as my husband tried to say goodbye,
spend time with her alone, you could see her saying,
“You didn’t have time for me when I wanted you too, forget it now!” 
And then with her characteristic determination, she headed for the truck.
Her jaw set, her focus clear. I could hear her say,
“Lets get this over with before I change my mind”.
Sitting in the back of the truck, my husband driving,
her focus, I believe was on what was to come.
She sat, watched the countryside past.
I cried, reached back and tried to comfort her.
She paid no attention. 
When the time came, she was her dear sweet, gentle, brave, stoic self.
I sobbed. She kept herself in control. No emotion.
Tough.
Just as the death sentence took over, she looked up to the sky.
Watching something high over my shoulder.
I was afraid to look back, to see what she was seeing.
A quiet calmness came over her, her rigidity was gone.
She was gone.
I brought her collar home.
Ursa held her head up, her neck outstretched waiting for me to put it on her.
I did. I sobbed and held her close.
We mourned our friend, our loved one together.
Aggy, you taught me much.
You taught me to stick to my beliefs
Follow my heart despite all those who believe they know what is best for me
Never waver, never lose hope
Speak your mind, no matter the consequences, you will survive
And above all,
Love unconditionally
Aggy, sweet Aggy
I love you, love you still,
Unconditionally.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2018
Oh Teddy Bear Green what have you seen?
The ups and downs, the lows, the highs.
Oh Teddy Bear Green what has become
Of the love we knew when we were young?
Oh Teddy Bear Green I held you close
You held my heart.
Oh Teddy Bear Green my secrets told
To your listening ways
Not a peep was said no trust betrayed.
Oh Teddy Bear Green
When I fell you cushioned me
When I feared you stood between.
Oh Teddy Bear Green you comforted me
When no one else seemed to care
You helped me, you’ve always been there.
Oh Teddy Bear Green have I become
The one you saw and guided me to be?
Oh Teddy Bear Green what secrets are kept
Beneath that loving Teddy Bear?
Oh Teddy Bear Green
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2014
The good women in my life
The ones who made me see and live this life
Ones that sacrificed
Made the way, laughed
Cried, died.
I salute you
Glad to have known and learnt from you
The women
The good women who made me
The woman I came to be in this my life.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2018
When I think of things that’ve passed
I wonder
Where they came to live
In what heart do they survive
And will they be known
In the future’s past?
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2018
I saw God today
He came in such a mysterious way
No bolts of lighting, no angels swayed
Just God
I saw God today.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2014
When I think of what has come
What has gone
My heart breaks from holding on
To a life that has already gone
A life that now has succumb to being
Just a shell of that that’s been
No more laughter
No joyous lightly radiating beam.
Sit in silence quietly
Wait for death to take hold of me
Wrap it’s deathly arms enveloping
Taking me to a place with maybe
Some of that old ecstasy
But til then I’ll wait and see
Think of what has come
And what’s to be.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2018
Ever wonder why?
Ever think things happen
On a line
You can’t deny?
Ever wonder why
Answers come
But don’t seem to be
The ones asked
Or seen technically?
Ever wonder, wonder why?
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2018
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